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Sunday, June 15, 2014 Lost
Hello my dear blog, it's been awhile since I've posted things here. I'm not sure if I should continue with this blog, or re-make a fresh one. Well, for the sake of ease, I'mma just continue with this for awhile. The date now is, 15th June, 2014. 2014, that is right. Half of 2014 is already gone, and we're moving towards the second half of 2014. Time flies really really fast doesn't it? Actually, there was a research study done pertaining to psychology, it says that, when a person grows older by the year, he would feel that time goes faster and faster. I've forgotten the reason, but yeah, I guess it is true. Aside from all this, I was actually, lost in my life. I didn't felt this before to be honest. Here's the list of things that made me lose myself:
"Aside from all this, I was actually, lost in my life. I didn't felt this before to be honest." 
Me during my last fight (November 2013) - My first round
Do you guys have any true passion in your life? Like you know, when you are doing something, no matter how hard it is, you just kept going, because you love it.
I do, and it is, the sport of fighting. Some of you may think its such a gruesome sport, two man in a ring, hitting each other and wanting to knock the fuck out of each other. To a certain extent... yes. That's the purpose. But no, there's a very deep spiritual feeling when two man is fighting in a cage/ring. Both men, have trained hard, put in hours of effort to endure the grueling training, they have to endure both physical and mental pain. They have trained their body to endure pain, to be cool, calm and collected under the pressure, and they have trained their mind spiritually to be prepared for any unexpected circumstances. 
This is me during my last fight (November 2013) - This is before the fight began, I'm prepared to take any punishment. "Come at me!" that was my thoughts.
It really is hard to explain in words, you have to be a fighter yourself to understand what I'm really talking about. To put it simply, fighting, is the same as living your life. Ups and downs, heartbreaks, successes, failures and such. It is the same thing :) "It really is hard to explain in words, you have to be a fighter yourself to understand what I'm really talking about." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ So, after 4 months of not training and competing, I have decided on something. I want to go back training, fighting and doing things that I love . Although I would probably be more busy than ever, I would probably be candidly happy again, just like I was during 2012-2013. One of my close friend said to me this , "You've lost your sparks in your eyes. What happened?" Those words really pierced my heart, it really hit me. 
Before the fight - I can see the fire in my eyes.
I went home, thinking about it for quite awhile. I was thinking, "she was right, I have lost a part of myself". So I went on to reflect on what is missing, and boom. I figured it out.
What was missing, was that I wasn't doing the things I love and want, in my life. I have done that for so many years, and I didn't realized that I forgotten it. So here's a list of what I wanna do, right now, and in the future.
"What was missing, was that I wasn't doing the things I love and want, in my life"
There is, this girl that I am in love with. I'll be honest, she's quite a hard one, stubborn, strong, independent, and sometimes just cold.
But whenever she's happy, my whole world turns happy. It makes me smile, makes me want to hug her and absorb all that energy. Especially when we are playing games together (She's fking good in games, she's like a gamer guy, and im a noob gamergurl) The both of us, we aren't exactly boyfriend-girlfriend, but we both have showed each other our 'naked' self, telling each other our past, trying to understand each other. With that, well... she has a lot of flaws. But the thing is, I do accept her flaws, I'm trying my very best to understand her, and I want to love the way she is. I just hope she would do the same for me (and I know it's gonna be difficult), and hopefully, one day, we would truly be together :). For now, I would do the things I would love to do, love myself more, so that I could learn to love others again, especially you.
Well, that was a lengthy post.
To wrap this up, tomorrow onwards, I would start doing the things I love again. And I am pretty darn sure that I would be truly myself again, that cheerful, passionate guy, with a burning fire and sparks in his eyes.  Cheers to life, Jake I killed a Hollow at 1:07 PM |
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